11 weeks to go

I have 11 weeks to go and I am already HUGE. I just hope that I don't get to much bigger. Micah is noticing the change and realizing that something big is happening. He is getting very clingy, which is very uncommon for him, and he is not sleeping well. I know it is just a phase, but I am tired and getting up multiple times in the night is hard on this HUGE body of mine.

I hurt all the time. Most times it is tolerable and I go about my business as if nothing is wrong. Other times I just can't hide it. The doc said take some Tylenol and see that helps. Other than that it's just about sucking it up and dealing with it. People ask how I am all the time and I often wonder 'do they really want to know?'. Also, 'do I really want to tell?'. There is nothing anyone can do to help, so it is hard for me to tell people because then I am just complaining, like I am doing now. :)

Onto other topics

I have made out a meal plan that I am going to follow once the baby comes. I am going to start incorporating it now, so I am already to go once she is here. I am really determined to shed this weight off as fast as I can. I am hoping 6 months, but the reality is I don't know how long it will take. Especially juggling 2 kids, life, responsibilities, and other chaos that enters our life. BUT I do have the stair stepper now and even if it is midnight, I will be using it often. It will help to keep my legs strong.

I find my thoughts wondering now, so it must be time to end this post.

Long time, no post

I know it has been a long time. This pregnancy is really putting me through the ringer. I am still around and am super busy. All of my blogging has been put on hold. I just don't have time or the will power to update often.

We put the Christmas decorations up and the outside is all decorated too. Micah is almost 2 1/2 and he is very much a crazy little boy. Interested in every little thing. We got a cat, he is pshyco kitty is what I call him. He likes to jump out and scare us all the time. It is pretty funny now that he doesn't feel the need to claw us each time. Jeff is crazy busy at work. I am tired and big bellied and most the time I hurt, ALOT.

My pulled groin injury has seemed to flair up really bad this pregnancy. My joints are in pain all the time and Carmen likes to stretch out often. It is hard to imagine that I still have 11 weeks to go. I am going to take a friends advice and take one day at a time because they aren't all bad. Some days I do have energy and can get things done.

I am trying to keep up on past goals and such, but really I have just put everything on hold.

I am excited to have a girl. I have started shopping and looking at all the fun blogs out there for girly things like bows and such. The clothes are much cuter for girls than boys. Some friends are throwing a baby shower for me. I am looking forward to gathering with friends. I don't feel like I get enough me time and once Carmen comes the me time will go down even more. I don't know what to do about that.

I don't like to complain, and that seems to be all I do lately. I need to change my mindset I guess.

I am very grateful for my husband and his extremely hard working personality. I am grateful for Micah's wonderful personality that makes me smile when he isn't being a 2 yr old. I am grateful for all the blessings that are sent to me. I have so much compared to many others. Especially because Jeff has a job and we have food in our fridge and money in the bank. That right there is more than most.

I am looking forward to the new year! Starting to make my list of what I want to accomplish this next year already.

Cleared for Training

Talked to the Doc and he said that I am cleared to do any training as long as I don't feel pain and getting sweaty is great for me and the baby. So, here's the plan. I am going to do the stair stepper everyday. yep everyday because I am not able to walk everyday because of weather. If I get a walk in too then I am just doing that much more good. I am keeping a food journal and the doc said that my diet before was perfectly fine so I am back on. Keeping protein high and carbs complex and healthy fats. I am making a list for the fridge and keeping lots of fruit close by for all those sugar cravings you get while preggers. Sugar free jello is my friend too. That is the only artificial sweetener I am allowing.

I am freaking out a little bit because I am 5 lbs away from my total goal gain for this pregnancy and I still have 4 more months. I have to get control of myself otherwise I am going to be in alot of pain and emotional pain in 4 months.

Jeff's nutrition

My husband has finally put all of his trust in me and my nutritional knowledge. I have been studying Beverly International Nutritional supplements for a long time now and convinced my husband to go on their full program for weight loss. He started his first full day yesterday. I say full day because beginning this week we started the eating but not the supplements. We ordered them on Monday and I had them Tuesday afternoon. It was amazing.

I am keeping a daily log of his meals and he is in full control of his exercising program. He just lets me know at the end of the day what he did.

His start weight was 201. Marine Corp standards he has to be 184 or below for his height. So our main goal right now is to keep his muscle mass that he has and lose the fat. He doesn't really want to get huge just get his body fat low so the muscles he has already can shine.

I am just treating it like practice for me because doing his meals everyday for him it will be very easy to do the same for me once I have the baby. My plan is to get on the full program too and do P90X at home. I will have the baby the end of Feb, recoup for 6 weeks, end of march, and starting April to October (that's 7 months and 2 rounds of p90x!) losing as much as possible before we move. One less thing to worry about after we move. I know I said I wasn't focusing on my weight but I am just creating a plan and doing what I can now so the transition will be as smooth as possible. Then once we move I will think about maybe doing a competition and finding a trainer for that.

Interesting

So, since my last post I have changed my mindset. Easier said than done right! I have taken my focus off of my weight and body issues and put that energy towards something I actually have control over right now. SO for the past 4 days I have not bitten my nails!!!! This is huge for me. I see new growth and I use to have to get rid of it. Not so anymore. My nails are healing because right now they are in the worst shape they have ever been in. Most of my nails have some of the nail missing. It is embarrassing and gross to say the least. So far I don't even have any urges to bite them and if I find them mindlessly wandering around the mouth area. I just redirect them somewhere else. I keep a file close by and a buffer to keep them smooth.

I really hope that I can get over this and keep it up by the time the baby gets here. Then once I know I have this issue resolved I am going to move on to something else. I am taking control in the areas I have control.

We are having a GIRL!

Wednesday we found out we are having a GIRL! Jeff and I and our families are so excited. Now we will have one of each. I never thought I would have a girl, or really cared if I had one, but now that I know I am getting one it is sooooo exciting.

A strange thing happened though, Wednesday night after I put Micah to bed I had some time to myself and I was thinking about my childhood and how I want this little girl to grow up and it just made me cry. I was thinking of all the things I have yet to accomplish with my weight issues, money issues (I have a hard time spending money on myself, I feel guilty), and other issues that I am constantly working on. Mainly the weight issue was what was bothering me. How can I change her life and break the cycle if I can't even get ahold of myself. People say if you want it bad enough you will get it, well there is nothing I want more than to be in shape and be healthy and sexy.

I feel like I am doing better this pregnancy than last time, but I am only half way through and there is no telling how much I will gain the last month. With Micah I gained like 5-10 lbs in one month. Walking is the only cardio I can do and I haven't lifted a weight in months. I'm so sick to my stomach about the things I do to myself. My motivation is gone, my will is gone, all I can figure is that the pregnancy hormones are killing my motivation because I don't feel like myself.

I am doing great with my other goals. I am still practicing my cello. My sewing machine is not working properly so I have to take it apart and put it back together and hope that helps it. When Micah and I go on our walks we are picking up trash too. This is a new thing that I started to add to my whole green self. I can't believe how much trash is out there. Even in an area that looks clean if you actually look harder you can find so much garbage, it's gross! We pick up anything that is not part of earth, so even cigarette butts. Yes, we are wearing gloves.

Well, I feel like this was more of a rant and rave post, but I feel better. The weather is cold and the sun hides most days. I know it will be really hard for me to not get depressed this winter with all my odds against me.

Removing the dust

Today was the first time in at least 5 years I took out my cello, tuned it, and practiced for 30 minutes. I couldn't believe it, like riding a bike it just came back to me. I pulled out my first lesson book from when I was 10 yrs old and started at page 1. Relearning the scales, finger positions, correct tone. Now my goal is to practice everyday while Micah sleeps.

My favorite season is Christmas and my most favorite music is Christmas music. My goal is to practice enough to play for my church in December playing a Christmas hymn.

I went to the fabric store and have my materiel for the treat bags. I am going to finish them tomorrow.

Ordered some toxic free makeup to almost complete replacing all my old makeup.

Things are moving along. yayayayayayay.

What good are you doing? What goals have you achieved? Are you on the path that will get you to where you want to be?