Fed Up with MYSELF

Today was a realization for myself. Jeff said something to me the other day that I haven't been able to shake.
He asked me why I give up so easily. I thought and thought and I replied to him that I didn't know.
The question really started to get my head spinning though. I started to think about everything, and I do give up. Easy, Hard, It doesn't matter the task, if I can't do it within the time I think it should be done, I simply stop doing it and give up.
This infuriates me!
How could I do this to myself?

MY Resolution to MYSELF is to follow through.
Life is about self discipline. I have always known that, but how can I master self discipline if I give up?

The first thing I am going to do is finally do what I belive in. That is healthy eating and holistic living. I have always been a bit 'granola' in my glamours kind of way, but I really want to learn for myself and live a healthy lifestyle. It is something that I have always wanted so why have I continued to push it aside?

FEAR.........FEAR is my problem!
Fear of failing, succeeding, embarrassment, anything. I have been floating along acting like I know what I am doing, but really not doing it at all.

I went to the gym today and worked out hard. Harder than I have in a long time. It felt great! And each workout should be that way. I have to pay for a gym membership, I should at least repay my husband with having a healthy and fit body

SORE

I am so sore. I have NEVER been this sore. Then again I have NEVER been this out of shape. I can never go back to doing nothing. It hurts to much to start back up. My boody is feeling the shock for sure. I am excited to get to a better place with my body.

Weight: 206 (down 4 lbs!)

I hope to be under 200 by January. January will be my big kick off month. I will post pictures (YICKES) soon. I want to be real with myself and pictures are very real.

New Gym, New Me

I have joined a new gym and I am really excited. I have a new mantra and it is to take each day at a time. Not to look backwards or forwards, but what I can do today, now! It is a lot harder than it sounds. I am trying to overcome my procrastination and to get rid of my clutter. Clutter in my mind, body, spirit, home, and life.

Goals for today:

Go to the gym and make it worthwhile.
Drink my water
organize the upstairs
hang items in the front room

Stats for today:
weight: 207
feeling: awake, but sore everywhere