We are having a GIRL!

Wednesday we found out we are having a GIRL! Jeff and I and our families are so excited. Now we will have one of each. I never thought I would have a girl, or really cared if I had one, but now that I know I am getting one it is sooooo exciting.

A strange thing happened though, Wednesday night after I put Micah to bed I had some time to myself and I was thinking about my childhood and how I want this little girl to grow up and it just made me cry. I was thinking of all the things I have yet to accomplish with my weight issues, money issues (I have a hard time spending money on myself, I feel guilty), and other issues that I am constantly working on. Mainly the weight issue was what was bothering me. How can I change her life and break the cycle if I can't even get ahold of myself. People say if you want it bad enough you will get it, well there is nothing I want more than to be in shape and be healthy and sexy.

I feel like I am doing better this pregnancy than last time, but I am only half way through and there is no telling how much I will gain the last month. With Micah I gained like 5-10 lbs in one month. Walking is the only cardio I can do and I haven't lifted a weight in months. I'm so sick to my stomach about the things I do to myself. My motivation is gone, my will is gone, all I can figure is that the pregnancy hormones are killing my motivation because I don't feel like myself.

I am doing great with my other goals. I am still practicing my cello. My sewing machine is not working properly so I have to take it apart and put it back together and hope that helps it. When Micah and I go on our walks we are picking up trash too. This is a new thing that I started to add to my whole green self. I can't believe how much trash is out there. Even in an area that looks clean if you actually look harder you can find so much garbage, it's gross! We pick up anything that is not part of earth, so even cigarette butts. Yes, we are wearing gloves.

Well, I feel like this was more of a rant and rave post, but I feel better. The weather is cold and the sun hides most days. I know it will be really hard for me to not get depressed this winter with all my odds against me.