Get A Little Stronger

I attended spin today again. I really LOVE doing this class on Mondays! Sets my week up for great success. I was dreading going this morning because I have not had one good night sleep for about 2 weeks now. It is really wearing on me, but NO EXCUSES. I still went dragging my feet and afterwards I felt so good ans so refreshed. Slow and steady, slow and steady. I will conquer this challenge in my life.

The spin instructor doesn't do the same routine each week and it is so great and challenging. Kicks my butt every, single time. I push myself so hard that I feel like crying and puking all at the same time, but after it is over I feel so refreshed and proud that I gave 100% and left so much sweat on the floor.

Anyway, HAPPY MONDAY! Staying positive.

Perfectionism

I have this disease! I read an amazing blog post about perfectionism here . It really made me think hard and come to face myself in a way that I needed.

I have so much to let go of. I am so blessed and have a great family who love me very very much! I want to be 'real' all of the time!

I feel myself working out of this dark place I have been in for a while. I hope it continues and I can start making progress very soon!

Do-er

This is a word my best friend used to describe me. I don't feel like I am that person right now. I take that one word description as a complement. She meant it as I don't just talk, I DO. I realize that I have been complaining alot-ALOT! I'm done with that!

The facts are, yes I am an emotional wreck, but I am the only one who can pull myself together and get on with my life. I am going to be honest with myself and quit setting myself up for failure. I don't get up at 5 a.m. to workout. I like to sleep to much and right now I have young kids that seem to want to get up in the middle of the night lately so I really don't want to get up before I have to.

From now on I will only post Do-er type activities. I feel that this will promote a more postive atmosphere for myself. Today I have already turned the day around. I didn't get much sleep last night and usually I would use that as an excuse to eat what I want and not get anything done. Well take a look at this

 Yes, that is a picture of my garbage can. I took everything out of my fridge and pantry and FINALLY threw it away! Even the kids processed junk. Because let's be honest they don't need to be eating it either!! I need to teach them how to snack healthy even at 1 and 3 yrs old. My son is definately not learning it at school. They think breakfast is froot loops and toast!!! Don't get me started on the food at school, it is so so so horrible!!!!!!

This is now what a snack will look like. Yummy cooked brocolli :) This was lunch today actually, but it will be a great snack later because we didn't eat it all.

 

And yummy bbq flavor chicken-so dang good.

I am taking control. I am in control. I can acheive my goals. I have more inside me that needs to be released and that is only going to happen if I use the tools I know I have within. I am still changing and getting into this better habit. As always it will be a journey, but this go around I will be a Do-er and not a say-er.

Now I know what Nike meant by 'Just Do It' Quit talking and just do it!

Avoidance

I have this problem. When it is something that I don't want to do, or I'm not excited about doing it I AVOID it! I don't like avoiding it because it starts to build and I get more and more anxious and it starts to affect all aspects of my life, but yet I still do it. I think I am insane, you know doing the same thing over and over again and expecting things to change....................

Today is a horrible day. I couldn't get into the gym. They open at 7:15, I was there at 7:30 because of traffic. They only had 2 workers so that means only 2 infant spots instead of the normal 4 (which is asinine). Both spots were already filled. I put my name on the waiting list hoping they would get more workers. 8 a.m. rolled around we still were waiting, no sign of anyone. I left. I had a very busy morning and was on a schedule with a little leeway. the leeway was eating up by waiting. So with no workout in and all that mess, I was very irritated and pissed off. That early in the morning is my best chance to get in without a wait and what happened grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I really wish I had an extra $100 a month that I could just throw at a gym so I wouldn't have this problem, but I don't. I want a house more, bottom line. So I guess I should stop complaining about it, but getting to the gym keeps my emotions down and in check.

I did work on some projects outside because the weather is finally nice. That feels good. I am going to tackle the avoided item of business this evening when the kids go to bed. Then I will sleep good tonight and start fresh tomorrow.

Finding Rythmn

Going to the gym as soon as I put my son on the bus is working for me. I do spin class on Monday which kicks off my week and going to the gym first thing in the morning I get baby girl into the childcare and I get in a great workout. Baby girl doesn't even cry when she goes anymore! Today in fact she started to get excited when we pulled into the parking lot. She is starting to recognize areas that we frequent and that is exciting to see that growth with her.

I am still an emotional wreck. I am trying to work through that in my regular written journal. I am just taking each day for what it is and trying to do all the things that I have to get done each day.

Food is on and going great :)

Happy hump day!

Sore Your Face Hurts

I am sore all over so much so that even my face hurts. I pushed myself hard today and ate well and drank plenty of water. All in all a great day. I hope I have many many more of these days. I'm off to dream land and recovery world because I like my face :)

Hope you had an awesome Monday!

SUN!

The sun is out and it is going to be pretty nice today. On the schedule for the day is cleaning out the pantry, fridge, and freezer of crap food. Inventory of plastic food storage containers. Followed by a trip to the grocery store where I intend on stocking up on lovely vegetables and herbs.

I have 7 weeks to get my routine in gear and get some results. This way I will be set up for success and I won't have to much of a hiccup when we go on vacation.

I picked up this amazing book at the library called Mediterranean Fresh by Joyce Goldstein. It is full of great salads and one plate meals. All of which are full of whole foods and grains. Also the book gives recipes for all kinds of dressings. I am so looking forward to trying all of it :). I really want to focus on getting in as many vegetables and fruits into each meal as I can. Also, learning how to cook and flavor those that I am not familiar with.

Looking forward to progress and change!

Re Vamping my Fridge

Do any of you have great ideas about re-vamping and re-stocking your fridge for success? I plan on cleaning out my pantry and fridge Saturday night and spending Sunday cleaning and restocking my fridge for total and complete success. I will not buy any trouble foods. I will stock and eat whole, goood for me, foods.

This is what I have so far:

Thick cut rolled oats
Vanilla Dannon Natural Yogurt
low-fat cottage cheese
eggs
frozen veggies (all sorts)
salsa
romaine lettuce

what else would be good? What do you love that is a whole food (unprocessed, from nature)?

You want HOW MUCH?!?

Went to check out a few gyms out in town to see if it would fit into our budget. I really need to childcare to be more consistent. My mouth hit the floor when the girl told me how much she wanted from me. Seriously for that price I can go to Dick's Sporting Goods and buy my own set of free weights, thank you very much!

Needless to say, I will be making my free military option work for me. Even if that means having to wait for a while just to go workout. We are trying to save for a house right now and I guess buying a gym membership isn't smart no matter how much it cost. I just need to use the tools I have and quit complaining!

Today I went for a walk and I just started crying in the middle of it. I did this in the middle of spin class on Monday too. Luckily for me it is dark and nobody was looking at me on Monday. I am really an emotional wreck right now. More so than I am accepting I think.

Top of my Head

This week I am going to pay attention to the top of my body. My hair :) I am going to give it a hot oil treatment and also get some styling products that I have yet to replace maybe even a haircut at the end of the week to finish it off.

I am going to use coconut oil. I have been reading up on all the great things coconut oil does for our bodies and I want to test some of the uses and my hair is one of them. So I'm sure I will report back. :)

I guess I'm not totally depressed, just enough to get my butt in gear. ☺

Warning Complaining Ahead!

My Feet are happy as they have ever been. Perfectly manicured, soft, and happy. BUT I am still a mess! I gained this past week and now I'm even more an emotional wreck than before. It seems taking the focus off losing weight did not help but make things worse. I am so far in the wrong direction now that I don't feel like I will ever get back to where I want to be or even where I was. I have 6 weeks until the hubs comes back from training and we go on vacation. I have 20 lbs that I want to lose in that 6 weeks. I have 75 total that I want to lose, but to be in a place that I can look people in the eye and pose for pictures I really need to lose the 20 lbs.

A dear friend from high school came over to the house this past Sunday and she looks great. She was like a size 14 in high school and now she is in like a 6 or even a 4. I mean she looks AWESOME. Then I saw myself in pictures and I just cried. I don't feel inside like I look on the outside. I see myself as someone much thinner than I really am. My body image is totally off.

On the bright side. I am going to be going to spinning every Monday with my best friend. Last Monday, I hurt and hated the class. That is when I knew I needed to go back :)- Yesterday, I gave 150%  I took no prisoners and man on man was I sweaty. I was soaked with my own sweat. IT WAS AWESOME! I left that class knowing there wasn't anything else I could give. No regrets. I got to thinking 'I need more of those kinds of workouts!'

So I guess the point is. I am back to focusing on my workouts, eating well, and getting this weight off myself. My happiness relies on it. Plain and and simple. For me to be happy in my eyes I need to be healthy and fit and strong.

There are some exciting changes happening in the next week and some really sad ones. I will let you know about them next week some time. I am looking forward to the growth that is coming to me very very soon.

OK Reality here it is!
weight: 219-ugggggg :(

New Direction, New Focus

Thank you to all of you that emailed, commented, and cared. After prayer and much thought I am going to take my mind off weight loss and focus on myself as a whole. I am going to call it my Beautiful Project.

There are lots of things I want to work on besides just my weight. For example, my favorite part of my body use to be my feet. I know that is different than most people, but it's true. Whenever I was asked when I was younger I would always say my feet. I liked the shape and I embraced the size. They have always been large, but I never felt insecure about it.

Loving my feet is why I put my tattoo on my big toe, and also because I could cover it up when necessary.

I have let my feet go. I don't take the time to take the dead skin off and they have become sad looking over the years. I can remember I started letting them go when I was pregnant and could no longer lean over to properly take care of them. In a single income family I can't just go out and get a pedicure whenever I feel like it. So, my feet are no longer my favorite part because I have let them go. Just like so many other things about myself.

I tell you all this to say my first project in My Beautiful Project is to get my feet back in tip top shape. Back where I can be proud to wear sandals, be barefoot, and rub them on my husband and not be insecure about how they feel and look.

My plan is after I put the kids to bed each night I will spend 30 minutes taking care of my feet. Whatever that means that night.

This may be a journey that you no longer have interest in, but this is the direction I am going in. I may get back to my weight loss journey or it may just happen because other parts of my life are getting better. This is my trail and my crazy life. Changing my focus is what I need right now. Even if that means starting at the bottom (my feet) and working my way up ☺. I feel like once I have success in at least one thing, that will start a chain reaction and help other things in my life.

I know that I am a beautiful person, no matter my size. My whole life I have always complained about my size, even when I was beautiful and healthy and in my opinion now skinny (high school basketball team, I was not fat but I thought I was-CRAZY). So it is time to start loving myself for who I am right now and changing the things I can right now.

My inside change is going to focus on service. I want to help someone each week. I am going to pray for an opportunity to see the needs of others and search out ways to help my friends, neighbors, and community. I'm not sure I will blog about that because I don't want it to become a 'look at me, look at how good I am' blog. I may just mention that I accomplished my weekly 'help someone else' goal in my posts.

Thank you friends! Life really is so great and I am truly blessed with so much. This is why I was getting so down about not being so grateful for what I do have. I have more than I could dream of! Also, I am taking the time to get ready each day and show my best self to the world. Here is me yesterday hair and make-up done ☺

And me today hair and make-up done ☺

taking pictures of yourself is a little tricky and weird!