Paralyzed

That is how I feel right now, Paralyzed. There is alot of change currently happening and will until around October and it makes me feel completely PARALYZED.

I haven't kept to my goals, I haven't been here to update my blog or my family blog. Today I was asking myself why I feel so unmotivated to do anything because I have the same amount of time. I feel like it is because I am not very flexible. If things don't go how I see them or as planned out, then I completely stop. Now sometimes I am able to roll with the punches but it just depends on the circumstances. I need to roll with it.

Here it is the middle of JULY and I am not any closer to my JUNE goal of getting out of the 200's. I haven't been able to get back on track since I went off at vacation. Now I am feeling extremely depressed about it. I don't like being this large. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't like how clothes fit me. I don't like being asked if I am pregnant (even with a 4 month old in my arms, someone still asked me this question). I try not to let it bother me, but it does and it hurts.

I love to workout, but I don't. And of course I have excuses, but all that doesn't make me feel better. Honestly sometimes I feel so drained and tired that by the time I get the kids to bed, I don't want to plan or think about what I should be doing or need to do. I just want to sit and reset. I know that life doesn't get any easier and kids only get more needy and involved, so I need to learn how to deal with it and get going, otherwise this feeling of paralysis will only get worse.

I am feeling overwhelmed also. There is so much I want to improve on and I can always be better. Better me, wife, mom, leader, teacher, etc always room for improvement.