Destined for Greatness

Do you ever feel like this? Like there is something up ahead that is going to happen that is so far above your dreams. As I have been going to therapy, facing life straight ahead, and getting a grip back on my life. This feeling has been getting stronger and stronger. I feel like as things start to become clearer and I start to see my potential this feeling warms my insides.

Now before you start thinking I have become full of myself. I think that this feeling is within all of us. I do believe that most of us only see and achieve a portion of what could be truly ours. Inside all of us is so much more! I dream big! I have grand dreams in many aspects of my life. I have a strong business mind and with that I know that whatever direction I choose I will be successful. It is choosing the direction that I have always struggled with. It seems like each time I choose a direction the obstacle placed in front of me dibilatates me and makes me choose another path. I am now at a point in my life that the next direction I choose I want to think through so when I start down the path I will overcome the obstacles.

It seems that direction I have been looking for is coming into focus and I am excited to see if it is where I want to go. I see very good things happening this year!

For now, I am off to enjoy the next 28 days with my beautiful family!!

What is the greatness inside you? Are you ready to unlease it and achieve dreams beyond imagination? You can do it!!!

SO EXCITED!

Today is a great day!

Hope you all are having a super fabulous day. I know I am!!

So Much

I have so much to say, so much spinning around in my head. Mainly I am super excited to see the hubs in two days! I will be MIA for a while seeing how I will only have 29 days with him. OK hopefully I can clear some thoughts and get a great post together.

Now I remember............

Today while walking out of Lowes I smelled the wonderful hot dog stand. I thought 'oh it's been so long since I have had a great hot dog. I never eat hot dogs. Those smell amazing.' So I bought one and it tasted so good. Carmen and I headed home so she could get her 'healthy' lunch and then it hit me. The reason why I don't eat those horrible byproduct pieces of crap-literally. Yep, got home, ran to the bathroom. After a few moments I came out to get Carmen all set up for lunch and then back to the bathroom.

Now I remember why I hate those darn things, even when they smell so good. My body told me 'no no no'. So I have been pushing the water and trying to flush out all the ick from my body. I won't make that mistake again, until I do. hahahaha such is life. Hope there is a bathroom nearby when I decide to try it again :)

SLEEP

Holy cow it is amazing how sleep can make you feel so good :) I didn't have a great night sleep, but I did sleep!! I only woke up a couple of times and fell back asleep quickly. AHHHHHH lovely.

Today is a full day of spring cleaning. So I'm off to play with the kids and clean clean clean.

On Track?

Well I am hopefully back on track. Last week I lost 2 lbs :) I am just taking it slow and steady and not freaking out about it so much. I am getting out with the kids and playing with them and walking about 4 miles a day. I also read a book that gave me some ideas. I will tell you about it later if I stick to it and find that the theory is what I actually need to survive this thing called life and food!

I am suffering from major insomnia. I have never had sleeping problems before. This is very very hard. I am headed to bed to maybe get some sleep.

Well the kids and I are sick AGAIN! I am so sick of being sick it seems like every other week.

Dad

 My Dad and I at my baptism 1989

 Dad and I Christmas morning 1981

 My Dad working in the yard in Las Vegas-the Dennis Way house(where I spent most of my young years)

Dad- HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You would be 63 years young today. You left this world 10 yrs ago this August. I miss you terribly.

You had this amazing ability to make people feel like they were the most important person in the world. You touched every persons life you came in contact with, from the cashier that you interact with to cousins that looked to you like a second Father, to each of your 7 children who all feel like we were special to you.

You loved to drive and go on adventures. I have this trait too.
You loved food, especially if it was a great home cooked meal. I am this way too.
You were there for every game I was apart of, every music performance, everything I was involved it.
You always saw the best in others, never judging, always giving them the benefit of the doubt and having hope for them.
You gave everything you had to others, never expecting it in return.
You loved every crazy card I made out of gum for you.
You were positive, and happy even when nobody else was.
You were firm, but never mad even when I messed up pretty bad.
You always wanted the very best for us/me.

When I was 4 or 5 you took me on a business trip to Phoenix with you. It was the most exciting thing ever for me to go to work with you.

Whenever I was hurt you were the one to comfort me and take care of me. Pull the slivers out of my knees because I was running when I should have and tripped. Bandage my arms, and knees again because I jumped off the back of Jake's bike while he was still going fast. Pull gravel out of my knees when I fell playing soccer the the street with the big kids. Holding me tight when my first love broke my heart and let me cry and cry. Telling me I could do anything because I had the desire and drive to do it, and I believed you.

You planted the seed of the spirit of God inside me and taught me to rely on him to get me through hard times. You showed me that just because I was a girl I could still work hard, play with the boys, shoot guns, and then go and get dressed up and twirl in my dress.

The last time I saw you I was in to big of a hurrry to stay and chat with you. I thought I had so much time left with you. If I had known that a week later you would be gone, I would have stayed and asked so many questions. I would have absorbed so much more of you. I would have kissed you more and hugged you tight. I would have taken you golfing or to lunch or just shown you how much I love you.

I know that I will see you again. That you watch me and my small family and smile at the cute things they do as kids.

Happy Birthday Daddy
Love your little girl

No Drive Zone

For the past few weeks, Thursday has become my NO DRIVE ZONE. I challenged myself at the beginning of the year to take one day a week and not drive. This was to cut costs, save mileage on my car, reduce my carbon footprint, and a million other reasons really. I am going to continue to do this at least once a week and hopefully more as I make it a part of our families routine. I know that there will be times that I won't be able to do it at all and that's ok, no pressure on this challenge.

I have enjoyed my days of staying home all day. No rushing through my day. I get things done around the house. I play with the kids and roll around with them. We find other activities to do and go for walks. It is a nice day of learning.

Anyway, if you are looking for a challenge not fitness related this is a good one to try :)

Project Complete!

Here it is, the project that I am so excited that I finally finished!

It started out as a free ugly piece, and I forgot to take a before photo! But it looked similar to this

you know the kind! Ugly brass handles and all. with a little primer, paint, new hardware, and elbow grease here it is:

 With a fun little peek a boo when you open the drawer

And fun accessory jars made out of candlesticks and dollar store jars :) Candlestick I found at the thrift store for $1.50 for the pair!!

I'm calling this style GLAM ROCK

Onto the next project :)

Today was A Disaster

It started by not getting up for the bus and went downhill from there. All in all by lunch time I was done! I threw in the towel and decided to just have a great day with my best friend and my kids. The day got a little better, but I still felt totally off.

The time change is killing me, I am a total insomniac with the hubs being gone, and I feel like a complete crazy person today. I feel totally out of whack. How do other people deal so well with the same challenges I am faced with? How am I going to get better at dealing with my challenges?

Cleaning

OK, so not having the hubby around to help me clean is starting to catch up to me. See here is the deal. I spot clean and keep things in order, but my husband declutter cleans. It is amazing! He is an awesome cleaner and really helps to keep our house nice and tidy. Right now my house looks fine to most but to me I know it is in disarray because I have piles of things everywhere. There is not one room that is completly clean and put away.

I am working on finishing some projects today and I think I will work on declutter cleaning too and see if I can do it.

I am so so so excited to show you all my projects that I have been working on. I have only been working on the projects on warm days and that is why it is taking so long to finish them.

I'm a Runner

This is my new motto and in fact this motto helped me get my butt ready for the gym and go. I didn't want to go and then I told myself, 'you are a runner, you need to get your mileage in' and it WORKED! Love it. Becoming a runner is a major goal of mine right now. It is something that I have embraced because as I get older and whatever life throws at me I will be able to go running, no gym required. I'm not very fast right now and I can't run a full mile yet, but a retired marine gave me some great pointers this morning. He was running beside me and caught up to me while I was picking up the kid.

He noticed that I use my arms alot and asked if I use to play sports, which I did. He said that I needed to relax my upper body and let my arms hang and focus on using my legs to propel myself forward. Apparently I will be able to run faster and longer once I get this down. THANK YOU! I completly understood what he was saying, now to just retrain my body to run like that.

In April I am doing a 4 mile mud run. I have always wanted to do a mud run, I think it looks fun. I know it will be hard, but it is going to be my yearly ritual to see how far I have come from the past year. My goal this year is to finish!~ Next year I can worry about my time and maybe placing.

30 is AWESOME if I do say so myself. Things are getting better and my depression is still here but it is in the shadows a little more each day.

30 Day Challenge

Today is March 10, 2011 and this is my favorite pair of jeans that I was wearing before my daughter was born.

I saw this on another blog where the girl does 30 day challenges with clothes and I thought that would motivate me more than the weight issue is. Everything is worth a shot at this point because I am getting stronger, faster, but my weight isn't going anywhere because of my eating. So seeing pictures like this will help me stay on track as far as eating goes.

I will continue to keep trying new things because I am not giving up on ME!

What a DAY!

It's all about ATTITUDE! I realized this more than anything today. I woke up happy cause it was my birthday. I didn't let the usual things that get under my skin bother me at all because it was my birthday. I did regular activities today with the kids, with sugar overload, and they were their regular drive me crazy selves, but it didn't bug me because, it was my birthday. See the pattern? I need to have this attitude more often! It was a great day and the kids had a great day and it was mostly because of my attitude that it was this way.

It may have helped that many people called, facebook messaged me, friends brought cupcakes, received a surprise from hubby, received a phone call from hubby, and my best friend took me to dinner. Amazing day truly! I really did get everything that I wanted and this Saturday I am getting a babysitter for the day and night so I can go out and have a girls night! FREE BIRD! That will be fun!!

All and all 30 is looking mighty FINE!

Enter the 30's

Ready or not here it is! I'm glad to put to rest my 20's. It was fun while it lasted, but I have always looked forward to aging. I do joke around and call myself 'old lady'. It's only because the median age for my area is 23! So it is relative. If I lived in NYC I would be a young duckling still-see relative.

What do I want for my 30's? Happiness and a pair of Christian Louboutins! 5 inch sexy heels and red soles, ohhhh my heart sings :) I could save up for the next decade and probably get a pair :( They are ridiculously expensive, but every girl can dream, right?

In all seriousness though the next 10 years so much will happen and change. My 30's will be much more exciting than my 20's. Then again maybe not.......................................LOL different kind of excitement ;)

So what do I wish to accomplish this first year of my 30's? Survival with my sanity! Ha! I don't know really, I just want to live and have fun. Bring back the play in life and teach my kids how to work hard and play hard and serve hard. Serve the Lord, work for what you have, and enjoy what you have, that pretty much sums it up for me, simple.

So, here is to a new begining, a redefinition of who I am. The big 30, at least for a year. So watch out world, Natalie has entered her 30's and they are going to FABULOUS!

Therapy

I am headed to my first therapy appointment today. I finally sought out helped and I have mixed emotions about going, but overall I think it is a step in the right direction.

I know I am suffering from depression right now. I hope it is just that and nothing more serious like bipolar or something that I will have no control over. I haven't really felt myself since getting pregnant with my daughter. All those hormone changes really did a number on me and I have good days and bad days but lately the bad are way more than the good and really for no reason. Anyway, that is why I am getting help. Sort through all the craziness.

Just striving to be the best me possible.

One Foot In Front of the Other

I am just thinking one foot in front of the other. One day at a time.

I was able to take a few things off my plate this week, thank heavens, and a few less people are counting on me for certain things. WHEW! I just can't take the pressure, captain.

Ok, so I went to an AMAZING parenting seminar last night that just helped me so much. It was Dr. Kenneth R Ginsburg, America's Pediatrician, who wrote Building Resilience. It is for children and teens but it helped me realize a few things that are wrong with myself. For example, my coping skills. When I am put under pressure I crack. I don't have healthy coping skills. I can handle most things, but when times get really tough, I run and hide. By hide I mean eat! I totally self medicate with avoidance and eating. I don't face the challenge head on and work my way through it by asking for help.

Anyway, I bought the Book. I look forward to raising healthy resilient kids and improving myself. I am starting to feel like I will work through this and I will get the tools to do it. Prayers have been answered! I look forward to the growth that is to come!!

Self-Sabotage

Why do I do this? Why do I have to have this struggle so much? Lord, please whatever I am to learn from this trial, I am ready to understand and learn. Please, please help me figure this out. I need help with the doing and not sabotaging myself.