Coming to a Close

My goal for 2011 was to survive and stay sane during my husbands deployment and lose weight, of course.

I did it! I survived! The kids survived! I did lose weight, but not all of it. Weight will always be an issue for me, this I now know. I am much stronger, enjoy myself at my current size, and work hard to get better each day, with minor setbacks of course. Life isn't perfect, and neither am I, but as my husband says I will always try to be, and I know that to be true. I do work hard to be perfect everyday.

I am grateful for my therapist who has helped me learn how to love and enjoy myself for who I am. To help me love the life I have and really really help me see just how blessed I am.

For 2012 I do have some very exciting things planned but I am preparing to go on a much needed vacation with my family, the big post deployment celebration to Florida!!! Fishing, Sea World, and family time!!!! What more could a girl want? NOTHING!

I love my dear internet friends! You are near and dear to me! I love my far away friends who keep up with my madness through this blog!!! You are near and dear to me as well!! I love my family and mostly I love myself. I stand up for myself, I am finding gumption, my voice, my courage, ME.

My next post should be my big news for 2012 ;)

Consistency is Key

Want results-Consistency
Want to keep that happy high-Consistency
Want to make new habits- Consistency
Want to meet goals- Consistency

See where I am going with all this. It takes consistency. Pushing through the times you just don't want to! This goes for anything! Working out, eating right, building a business, strengthening your mental ability, working on a new skill, to achieve these things you need consistency.

My life over the last week has come back to a happy normal. I have been able to control myself because my emotions are much more in check then they have been in like a year or more. I am older, wiser (I hope), and I know I am much stronger! I am enjoying my workouts and kicking my butt each and every day. I know I still have so much to learn and I am very eager about that. 2011 has been a very great year! I am taking advantage of every last moment it has to give me!

I will be ending the year with stats, pictures, and a very excited outlook towards 2012! This next year holds so many exciting things. I am not ready to tell just yet, but let me just say I have been very busy ;) Next year I will be double as busy!

29 Days left lovelies! Kill it!!!!

Body Dismorphia

I stumbled upon a a great website that helps put your body shape into perspective. You can put in your height and weight and body shape and it will pull up pictures of real women that same size! Amazing!!

www.mybodygallery.com

So check it out, pass it on, and if you dare enter a photo!! Help other women out there know what they really look like.

Boys are Back in Town

YAY! I survived deployment! My husband is back and we are happily back to our routines today. My foot is feeling much better and I just got back from a nice little mile jog. I am a bit stiff and I am pretty sure I need new shoes, but new shoes will have to wait until after Christmas most likely.

You will find me here blogging and attacking my weight with all my focus for the rest of 2011. It is my main focus and now that I have my hubby back I can put all of my energy towards working out because now I know I have help with the house and kids. I plan on doing some pictures. I was thinking of doing pictures every 4 weeks to help me when I get down. To see just how far I have come. Some days it just gets daunting thinking about how far I still have to go. I am very thankful that I am so much farther ahead on my health and fitness than I was  a year ago. I am living my dream, instead of just dreaming my dream! That feels incredible!

The Glad Game is going well and it really is helping me be a happier person all around. I am also working on saying no graciously. This way I don't feel bad saying no to people and people feel good about asking or inviting me to things in the future. I have been doing this for about 3 weeks and so far so good. It is nice to be free of the guilt for saying no. I make my schedule and I don't let others interrupt things that are non-negotiables like working out, or family time.

I plan on hitting the gym tonight. Getting in a nice weights workout and some HIIT(High Intesity Interval Training)

33 Days left in 2011, make them count!!

Kick the Chemicals People!

Since 2010 I have been slowly removing the chemicals and synthetic products out of my families life for a better, healthier family and world. You need to go check out this blog post '8 Reasons to use Natural Beauty Products'. Every little change makes a big difference in the long run. Starting somewhere is better than never starting.

http://glamology.com/beauty/8-reasons-to-use-natural-beauty-products/

Let me know what you think. The food we eat is filtered through the liver, skincare products are absorbed directly into the blood stream!

Martha Washington

‎"I am still determined to be cheerful and to be happy in whatever situation I may be, for I have also learnt from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions and not upon our circumstances." Martha Washington

Stress Fracture and Pollyanna

A week and a half ago after a 6 mile run, I gave myself a stress fracture. I had pushed to fast to hard and increased my mileage to fast, without enough rest time for my body to heal and adjust. I haven't been injured since high school when I pulled my groin muscle in basketball (which still gives me problems if not stretched properly). It gave me a new perspective on injury and if anything helped me be more understanding to others and their injuries past or present.

I am healing up nicely and should be able to get back to running in about another week. Luckily I hadn't done to much damage. So here is the rule 10% rule. When ready to increase your training, increase for 10% for a week or two before increasing again. Lesson learned!

While wallowing in my injury, I was with my kids watching the classic Disney movie Pollyanna. It was then that I realized that I needed to start playing the 'Glad Game' within my own life. Taking life's negatives and turning them into positives, like my injury for example. In the theme of Thanksgiving and the return of my husband, very very soon!, I am going to challenge myself to be GLAD for a whole year.

The Glad Game(an optimistic attitude)

1) I will not talk negatively about anyone else
2) I will take negative experiences and find the glad in them
3) I will be sincere and honest
4) I will not be passive aggressive. I will be assertive
5) I will find something to be glad about in every situation

Join me on my Quest to be GLAD!!

Almost Finished

I am almost finished with my training certificate. I have a few more things to type up and I also need to take my cpr/first aid class.

I am also having a hard time committing to a name for my business. It means so much and can make or break me (not really, but kind of how I feel). I am finishing up my business layout and plan. Ultimately I won't make a decision as to start on my own or with a club until my husband gets home and we talk about it.

Honestly, I think I want to start on my own. I think that if I start on at a club it will be because I am scared and nervous about actually living my dream. Also, this idea I have is so fantastic. I can't wait to share it with you. I know it will be a program that will work. I know because I have been doing it. I know because it makes me happy just thinking about it. I get so excited when I get to talk about it to the very few people who know about it.

I will have the courage to take the risk and put myself out there and get my program going! I only need one person to get started and two friends have already said they would do it. So I guess there is my answer! I'm doing it!

I will have the program completely laid out by the Monday before Thanksgiving, including marketing.

Ready, set, GO!!!!!

and oh yeah, I'm a runner!!! I am still telling myself that everyday and you know what, I am now!!! I love it :)

Run UP Hill

......because that is what makes you stronger. Take the long way around because it is more interesting. Take on new challenges and grow from them. You will not be tomorrow what you were yesterday if you keep on trying and keep on keepin on.

You are either moving forward or moving backwards there is no standing still in this life. Life is a continuous journey, you better start enjoying the ride. Look at goals as beautiful landscapes along your path of life. Sometimes you make it and sometimes you don't, but they are still beautiful and apart of your life. Every bump and pot hole makes us the lovable people we are today, but that doesn't predict our future. You make each day what you want it to be.

Positivity breeds positivity.

I am as brilliant
I am as beautiful
I am kind
I am thoughtful
I am affectionate
I am dedicated
I am passionate
I am happy
I am wonderful right now, just as I am.

Remember that 30 day challenge?????

Back in March I showed a picture of me in a pair of pants that I wanted to fit into, well I thought I would give you an updated picture with that same outfit :)

March 2011

October 201

October 2011

March 2011

So here is my progress update in photos. I continue to work hard and am hoping for more changes soon :)

Pinterest Fun

Ok, so I am on Pinterest so much more than I am on Facebook. In fact I don't go to Facebook much anymore. Pinterest has given me so many ideas. Which is great because I am all about recycling ideas. I don't ever feel the need to re-work the wheel, and am perfectly happy copying :)

Here is an example:

After looking at myself in the photo, I lost the belt. I'm not quite sure how I feel about the skinny jeans, but I refuse, REFUSE, to jump on the 'tights as pants' bandwagon that seems to be going around. TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS PEOPLE!!! Especially not on curvy girls.

I am enjoying my weight loss; and I continue to. I am working very very hard to get myself fit and trim. Everyday is getting better and these clothes will soon be at the consignment shop. I can't wait for that day!!! I am already making money off of my size 18 and 20 clothes. Can't wait to say goodbye to size 16 forever!!!!

Other Passion

My other favorite kind of before and after:

Re purposing old furniture and household items is another passion of mine. I have redone dressers (4) multiple decor items, and then I love love love to take old thrift store items and find another use for them. Like vases and plates turned platters/cake stands. I am trying to round up all my before and afters and I will make a post about them. It doesn't take much money to decorate your house, just use the stuff you have and change the look to your new style.

Continuing On

I have received many conformations to keep going down this path! I am so so excited!! I am finishing up my test and I am working hard on myself. Doing all the things I know, and did know, to do. Staying on track and looking forward to each day and it's challenges. The light is getting brighter and my joy is overflowing. I hope to pass this joy on to others and help spread the happiness it brings to me. Helping others become their best self is going to be the best part of what I am doing. Seeing others happy is what makes me happy. Oh I am so excited!!!

1 mile in 4 minutes or 40 minutes is still a mile!

You can do this!!

Diving In!

I did it! I jumped into the deep end, ready to swim and swim and make it happen. I am currently working on my personal training certificate. It is the first step in the direction of my path. I am working out consistently and I am eating well. I have just a few short weeks until the love of my life comes home and I am so excited to show him my physical changes as well as the commitment I have made on my future path. I have a million and one ideas written in my business plan book and I am so excited to move forward and have something of my own like this. My new baby will be born January 2012! Can't wait to tell you all about it and show you all the little things along the way.

OK, back to studying and researching :)

Beauties: Dream big and Reach high!

Pushing Through!

I am fitting into clothes that I haven't been in since my fittest I was after I had Micah! Now just to fit into those few things I have from before Micah!

I have kept my weight at 201 for a while. I know it is my diet. I have been running and I started lifting weights again last week. I feel myself getting smaller even though it isn't showing on the scale. I know that it will all show in time. I am dealing with my monthly cycle right now so my eating is a little crazy but other than that I have been ok. I am going to get it together and really push myself diet wise this month so I can have some killer results before the hubs comes home!

Yes, he comes home in just over 30 days! I can't believe that the time has flown like it has. I have so many things I wish I would have done better. But I did the best I can and I know for a fact that I did. So I will live with that and He can take it or leave it. I am done worrying about things that are far beyond my control and just deal with my day to day. There are always going to be ways that I can improve, but that doesn't mean I did a horrible job in the first place.

Fall is here and for the first time I am really excited for it! All the cute clothes and fun fashion and not sweating to death and needing a shower just being outside for 10 minutes. Oh and the million of mosquitoes! Those stupid bugs were constantly attacking me and my family. We were always covered in major bumps and itching like crazy.

Mostly feeling good. Trying to keep myself positive and keep the self talk positive. I am beautiful at any size.

Where did my Motivation go?

I was on such a roll and then life comes in and sidetracks me and now I have no drive to get back on the horse. I was doing so well too! I am feeling hugely disappointed in what I have done while Jeff is gone and I know it is wrong to think this way, but it's true. I know I can make a major dent still if I get up and 'just do it'. But that's just it I HAVE TO DO IT. I love working out, I love running, I really do, but I don't like the cleanup. I can't do anything else in my day until I clean up. Anyway I am complaining instead of acting!

I will dust myself off and start again, because that's what we do. We try, try again! That is what is important, that we try again.

I miss my husband!!!

Off Track

Well, my best friends awesomely amazing baby shower took over every spare second of my life until now. It was last Saturday and I spent all this week getting my house back together and my son in school. Now I feel like I can refocus on losing some more weight and see how far I can get before Jeff gets home. Yes we are on like the 70 day count down to his return. Somewhere close to that anyway!! I am excited to see him and have him back, but at the same time I am feeling majorly disappointed in myself for all the things I have not done yet. Like I am seriously behind in my weight loss, I haven't saved as much money as I was hoping to, and I guess these are the two issues that always bug me! Why can't I be happy with what I have done, and why do I make these goals that I always seem to not meet. I make progress, but I don't meet the goal. Then I get frustrated by that. Then I hear others that have lost like 60 lbs in the time the guys have been gone and I think, what the hell is wrong with me, why can't I stay focused and get it together?!? Ultimately I just want to make myself and my husband proud of me.


I never started Insanity like I was planning to do. I am scared of it to tell you the truth! I am going to muster up the courage and do it though. I really really need to do it!

Ok, pitty party over. Let's get back to it!!!

Ha Ha Ha

So, this is what I get for trying to get back on the goal setting train. A complete and utter buck off.

I have not done one thing on the list

I am completely consumed by my best friends baby shower and redecorating my home. I have to get reorganized while I have the reorganization bug. I am getting things finished that have been sitting in my garage for over 6 months and I am playing with my kids before school starts in a week.

I'm not sad at all for not doing what I said I would do because I have been making great use of my time, just not doing what I said I would.

Life is funny, I'm just part of this funny life.....

Enjoy the ride, I sure am!!!

Let's Get Back in the Game!!

Alright, I am ready to set some goals for the week and get the ball rolling again.

I feel confident in my ability to achieve goals lately and I want to get the ball going just a bit faster.

1- I will run/walk outside with the kids 4 times this week. 2+ miles each time
2- I will start INSANITY and complete each days workout
3- I will make my meals and be ok eating at home this week.
4- I will get that stupid table painted this week!

I am looking forward to doing Insanity! I start it tomorrow Sunday August 14, 2011 and will end my 60 days October 14, 2011. I'm sure I will take progress pictures. I won't post those until the end though ;)

I am not going to add this to my goals, but I want to get in the habit of blogging each day again. Also, I want to get more meaningful posts out there. I am still struggling with alot of things, but one thing is for sure I am actually losing weight now! I like where I am going and who I am becoming.

Who are you? Do you like who you are becoming?

Down down down

That is my weight, not my mood ;) Finally! Weigh in this morning 203; down another 1. 16 total since May 1st.

Weight and finding your own balance is such a challenge because it is different for everyone. We all have different triggers. We all have foods that we really don't want to cut out. For me it was all about adding in veggies! That was the thing that really did it for me. I added steamed carrots, tomato, and cucumber to my morning eggs. I added a salad to lunch and dinner. Those changes help me get full on veggies and not purge on the other stuff. Eating this way also helps my mind WANT to do better and make better choices. It is the upward spiral instead of the downward spiral that I get caught up in so often.

I am still having sweets when I crave them, but I am not binging on them and I am pretty sure that is because I haven't made them off limits. I also have a soda once in a while, but I don't need one everyday at all. I have pretty much cut back on all processed kinds of foods. I am eating more whole which is what I believe in and I am making my food taste good by adding butter or oil when needed. I want to enjoy my food while I lose weight!

I have a long way to go still, but if getting to a certain number means I have to cut way back then I probably won't make it because that just starts the up and down spiral again. I want balance! I want to be happy in every stage of this journey, not just at my end result!

Here is to balance and finding what works for you! Hope you are finding your path to ultimate joy!!

Emotional Roller Coaster

This week I said goodbye to my family and had to watch my kids cry because we were leaving them too.

We came home to an empty house and my son asking where Daddy is.

Grumpy people who work as customer service people that don't want to help or do their job is getting me worried about if I am going to get to school this fall. Long story-It is my fault, but it could be resolved if they wanted to help me :(

I miss my husband very very much!

My daughter is in 18 month old, I want to communicate, but can't mode and this is the most frustrating stage for me.

Did I mention I miss my husband?! ok

Why is it I had so much hope and excitement when I was with my family and as soon as I get home it is like the life is sucked out of me. RIDICULOUS!

Diet is on, so that is good. Workouts are going, so that is also good.

Another postitive, I came home to a whole new selection of clothes to chose from because of my 15 lbs weight loss so far. Here is to the next 15 lbs and the next and the next..............

Ahhh life, isn't it fun?!

What crazy things are going on in your world?

Running

I am so excited. I went for a 3 mile run today and it felt great. I am so excited I ran almost the whole time and I kept up a great pace. My overall pace was 13:13. The last mile is straight up hill! It is killer and I had to walk it. I could barely walk it, lets be honest I wanted to quit walking up it because I was so tired and it was so exhausting. Getting that done felt amazing though when it was all said and done.

If I can keep this up I will be so ready to run with Jeff anytime he wants me to go. The next big challenge for me is running with my kids in the jogger. When I run with them it adds 60 lbs. Granted I'm pushing it on wheels, but it is still very difficult for me. I will get there though! I am so excited too!!!

Life is stressful, but I am still reaching my exercise goals and I love it.

Ok, so a great thing happened today. I went to a regular clothing store looking for a gift and while looking I found a cute outfit that was on super clearance. I thought maybe I should go try it on and see where I am at. I put on the shorts and they went up without a problem and buttoned fine! holy cow! Now the shirt, a button up shirt no less. I turned from the mirror and put the shirt on and buttoned it up and HOLY COW HOLY COW HOLY COW, no gaping, fits great.

I am officially back in regular stores!! Granted it is still a size 16, but I am doing it. Progress is progress.

Stay fabulous people! Life is great even with all the crazy going on around us.

204

Woke up this morning to a beautiful number 204!

15 lbs gone since my husband deployed!!

I feel great

Also, last night I was running on the treadmill at 7.2 mph. I could have kept at it except my lungs were burning. My body felt great though. So I must keep up the endurance and get my cardiovascular up. I will be so excited to be able to keep up with my husband running for the first time ever when he gets home! I may even be faster ;) I'm sure not for long.

I can not tell you how great I feel inside and out. My mind is clear and I just hope that this feeling and success can continue when I go home and I am on my own completely!

I have had a lot of help here at my Mom's house. I have people to watch my kids whenever I need so I can take off to the gym for 2-3 hours if I want it. When I go home I will be limited to 1.5 hours in the morning and 1.5 hours in the evening and I will have to pay for it. I'm sure I will make the most of it, but it will be interesting getting into our rhythm back home.

I have so many ideas and plans. Now it seems that they will come to fruition.

What goals have you reached lately? What milestones are you making?

I ♥ YOGA

yes it is true. I have been taking it for two weeks now and I can feel my back and core is so much stronger. I feel taller. My posture is better. I feel stretched properly after my runs. I am not tight day after day and overall I am just absolutely in love with yoga.

It could be my teacher as well. I'm sure her style of teaching is what I love just as much as the yoga because this is not my first time to yoga. In this class the hour just flies by! I want more and I feel like I worked hard, stretched hard, and I just feel great afterwards. I sure will miss her class when I leave my Mom's house. I only hope that I enjoy it as much back home as I do here. Otherwise, I am going to have to teach myself at home. Which I might do anyway, but for now I love going to the class.

On another note, I was running on the treadmill at 7.2 mph today! My body could have kept up that pace for a while it was my lungs that were burning. I was in shock! I am so freaking excited about that. I am going to work on getting my lungs and cardiovascular at a higher endurance. I will be freaking excited if I can get back to running 3 miles in 24 minutes! I haven't done that in over 10 years.

Ah, finally reaching some really great goals. Let's keep this pace up baby!!!

Weigh in

Last week I weighed in at 205! Yep it's coming off still,  slowly but surely it will all come off! I have maintained 205 for the past week.

I have been spending 2 to 3 hours at the gym this week so I am hoping for more loss next tuesday's weigh in!

My push myself goal is to get under 200 before I go home. This is what I am really pushing for!

I have to start getting more water in daily again. I know that is why last week was a maintain. I need to HYDRATE! it is super important for me in my weight loss.

Needless to say I am in a good place still and I hope to ride this wave all the way until my hubby gets home.

Oh and I actually have a good tan too! First one in 4 years. Finally whoohooo. Yeah the little things make me happy.

What is making you happy lately????

I am Enough

While here with my family I have had many 'ah ha' moments and growth. I realize that feeling left out and like I am missing everything with my family out west is completly in my head. Now that I am here and am seeing my family I am fully enjoying myself, but I realize that I am not missing out, so to speak. I am missing the opportunities yes, but I am having just as much fun and living my own life with my wonderful little family. I realize that my drama is far lower than others, and that I was never the type to really compare and it's because I am enough and my family is enough and any others that come into our lives I am grateful for but it will not make or break my family.

I love my life. I love my little family. I love the way we are together and I can't wait to all be together very soon. My husband is the greatest person for me and I love him so much. I need him and I miss him. I function without him, but my soul needs him. He is my companion for eternity and I am so glad for that. One day I hope to make that eternal bond with him.

So I am 9 weeks into this deployment. Deployments do ever get easier that is for sure. I have such a new understanding and love for military families, and single parents. At least I don't have to work full time. That would be insane. I don't know how I would do that at all.

I am looking forward to school. It starts August 15th and I am nervous, but mostly excited. Ready to get my career going for me and my family.

Ok well I am still in the mountains. You should check it out www.heavenlyplace.com it is so beautiful here at Cedar Crest. I am so at peace here.

weigh in

My weigh in today was great 207.6. 1 lb away from my goal for the week. I think that is pretty good. I will try and make it up this week. My goal for next Tuesday is 204.

I went for a 7 mile walk. 1 mile straight up a HUGE Utah mountain, ok it was a hill for Utah, but you know I have been gone long enough that it was a mountain to me.LOL . HOLY COW. I am so sore. It was going to be a 10 mile walk but I couldn't go on. My groin muscle that gives me issues was FLARED up big time. I am going to have to ice it and everything. It is pretty bad. Hope it doesn't get worse.

Wouldn't it be great if I could get out of size 16 pants while I am here out west and go home to my size 14? That is my super goal. I would get to go home and clean out a closet full of old unhappy memories and pull out clothes I haven't been able to wear in years.  OHHHH I just have to keep focused. It has so much to do with my diet. I just have to keep it up. I can do this I can do this I can do this!

OK, so what are you working towards right now? It is the first day of summer, what are you going to do with it? What is going to make the best memories for 2011? I have to say, so far I love my 30's!

I am missing my husband badly though! It seems so crazy that he is missing this whole journey I'm on. I mean he hears it through email and gets plenty of pictures, but it is nothing like being here. I love him so much. Can't wait to be with him soon.

Doing GREAT

OK I know I have been missing for a WHILE, but I am super busy visiting family and having fun and LOSING WEIGHT! So when Jeff left I was 219, I know right! shame shame. Anyway I am down to 208, I have had many different things going on and exercise has been really inconsistent, but for the past week and a half I have been doing great on my diet and eating lots of veggies. I feel great, my clothes are starting to get loose and I am on a roll.

I am feeling super pretty ;) and very motivated. I know that has to do with my diet and being with family is helping. I am not on track for my BIG goal for when Jeff comes home, but I have reset that goal and I want to lose another 46 lbs before he gets home. that is 2 lbs a week until he gets home. I will keep it up once he gets home too. So

I am so my weight would be 162 when he gets home!!! I was 170 when we got married so that 162 weight will blow his mind-and mine for that matter.

Life is good!

I have so many goals and dreams running in my head. I just have to keep going.

Not Staying the Course

This past weekend I indulged a little more than usual, I didn't drink enough water, and my exercise was low. So my weight loss for this week was only .8 lbs. I weighed in at 214 this morning. Granted it was a loss, but I do feel like next Monday will be a nicer weight loss because I am back on track with water intake and not over indulging. I will be traveling this week is the only thing that concerns me, but I am going to stay focused and do my best and leave the rest.

Along with traveling I will be using a different scale, so I'm not sure where I will start on that scale. So I am not going to freak out about next weeks weigh in weather good or bad. I will look at it as a starting point for my time with my family and expect to continue my 2 lbs loss from that point.

I do know this is a journey to be enjoyed. I am doing what I can to change my choices everyday. To be more active and eat wiser. I am enjoying life and enjoying my size now. I feel beautiful and know that as I get better I will become more of the person I see myself and others will see what I see.

Anyhow, CONSISTENCY is all anyone needs! seriously, it is the best thing to just get up and go, when you don't feel like it, just go through the motions. I guess where this doesn't work is when your just going through the motions days or more than the days you put your 200% into a workout. Yes it would be FABULOUS to make every single workout 100%, but sometimes it just doesn't workout that way.

Motto lately is: DO YOUR BEST AND FORGET THE REST!

Happy Monday Lovelies!

Meeting Goals!

It is an amazing feeling to meet your goals week after week! There have been some goals that I have fallen short on in these past weeks, but overall I am finally meeting my goals. I am putting myself and my goals first and nothing else gets done until I have done my duty for myself. This is the only way I can attain my goals. Otherwise I get to sidetracked, tired, busy, etc to focus on what I need to reach my goals.

Weigh in: 214.8 down 2 lbs exactly from last week! With my goals for this deployment being 2 lbs a week I am keeping in track with my goals. Would I like to see the numbers be larger-of course-but I am celebrating that I met my actual goal! yay!

Workouts: I have been consistent for the past 17 days about working out. Either in the gym, going for walks with the kids, or doing something at home. I feel so fantastic about this success. It is keeping my motovation to continue up too. I feel so good after my workout. I feel so sane and normal too. It is amazing what exercise does for the emotions.

Diet: I have been so good with portion control and not going overboard! Most days I stick to my 90/10 theory and have been really good on days I know I will be splurging at night. This has been so exciting for me because I am such a food nut, I am actually starting to act like one again. Eating the foods that I really love-like fruits and veggies. I know that this is the key to my life success. Finding the balance in my diet. I am getting there and I am on the right path. That is the best news of all this. You can't out exercise a bad diet! so true!

Also, I have been drinking nothing but water! I FEEL fabulous about it too! I don't crave the soda at all not tempting at all-what a freedom. I feel like a drug addict who doesn't need their crack anymore. YAY! I am a water snob though. I only like my filtered water like brita or pur I don't like to taste chemicals in my water or plastic. See water snob-LOL

Remember to have health success you need 4 things.
1) Diet
2) Strength
3) Flexabilty
4) Cardiovascular

People

I am learning that I am directly effected by people. When I am with positive, happy people I feel that energy and I am happier for it. When I am with negative, unhappy people the energy is sucked out of me and I feel completely drained.

I try to keep myself as positive as possible without being fake. I try to always be authentic but positive. I also now know that I need to only spend my time with the same kind of people. I would rather spend my time alone with my kids than be around a bunch of unhappy women that want to complain about their husbands/work/lives/others/everything/everyone/etc.

I will help those who seek my help, but will not let others bring me down. I will be there when others need me, but I will not feel the need to be friends with everyone. My time and life is to precious to the ones I love to waste it with those who have no regard.

I will be comfortable and happy with me :)

Fabulous

Yep, I'm feeling that great! I had a wonderful lightly active weekend and this mornings weigh in 216.8! yay!! Down 2.2 lbs from last Monday. I am keeping my goal this week to 2 lbs again. I feel confident that if I just continue to be consistent with my workouts and keep my food journal and healthy choices I will keep up my 2 lb a week goal.

I was doing the math and for my 7th anniversary I will be very very close to my wedding weight. Wouldn't that be a great anniversary present to myself?! I am staying positive. I am speaking kindly to myself when I see myself in the mirror and I am speaking kindly to others. It is a wonderful feeling all this positivity.

I need to work on better menu planning and yummy eats. That is what I am working on this evening. Maybe if you are lucky I will take some pictures of my new recipes.

Mother's Day

This is my first Mother's Day without my husband. He isn't able to call me today either, so I will look forward to him calling within the next week :)

I was thinking today what it all meant to me and I know for me, I didn't appreciate my Mother fully until I had children of my own. Also, the more my children grow and challenge me the more I love my Mother! It's a feeling you just can't discribe.

I feel truly blessed to be a Mother. Our Father in Heaven has entrusted me with two of his special spirits. It is my responsibility to teach them as much as I know about Heavenly Father and their true meaning of being on this earth. Giving them the tools of prayer, scriptures, faith, and knowledge to guide them through this crazy life. There are always hiccups in the road where we fall off track or do things we know to be wrong, but knowing that our God is a kind and forgiving God and having the knowledge of how to ask and get forgiveness is an eternal gift.

Coming to earth is all about building the Kingdom of God. Doing God's will  can give us blessings beyond imagination and a deep understand of one's true potential. I do feel that most of us fall very short of our potential, myself included. I strive everyday to be the best I can be and I know that in return Heavenly Father gives me the blessings that will help me better understand Him and his will.

I hope that this Mother's Day you can thank all the women in your life who have influenced you for the good and set the example for you. I hope that you can feel humbled to know that God and his son Jesus Christ Love you. They will guide you, and carry you when you fall.

Another re-do Project

Boring sad looking white board that I have had forever! Needed a makeover.

With a little hot glue and some cute ribbon and extra fun flower, I created this.

 Close up with the flower :)

Huge improvement-don't you think?

Happy

Yes, it is nice to be happy again! It is such a great feeling to feel the positive energy flowing around me and through me.

I had a great workout this morning. I felt a bit rushed but when I was working out I focused on the movements and didn't rush it at all, I maybe rushed my rest times, but I feel ok with that. Today's workout was NROL4W phase 1 B. I didn't have time for cardio afterwards and I don't know when I will get some in today, but I am going to try. Probably after the kids go to bed. I am keeping super busy and that is helping me with my depression issues. I need to be busy it helps my sanity!

Today I had a great visit with my therapist! I love her!! I feel so great after talking to her, I feel like everyone should have a therapist. She gave me some great tips to help me build my self esteem back.
1) each time I pass a mirror I need to look at myself and say out loud a sincere compliment. It can be about me as a person, looks, achievements, etc. It must be said OUT LOUD. I am going to start doing this and I am excited to see how this will help me feel better about myself.
2) Now that I have a plan and have decided in a general direction I want to go in life, when people ask I need to say with conviction Exercise Science/coaching! I want to help others that struggle the way I have. I want to help the youth reach dreams and goals they don't know how to on their own. I want to help poor people that can't afford a gym, or a trainer, or daycare so they can go to a gym, etc. I will become a whole health specialist. Teaching people how to enjoy real food, how to prepare it, how to find exercise that they love, how to live toxic free, and having the life they have been waiting for.

I'm not waiting anymore! I have been waiting and for what? Yes, I had kids, yes my husband's career is first right now, but I feel like it is my time now. And it has always been my time. I can always be learning and teaching myself, and I have, but I am going to do more! I am soooooo jazzed. Can you tell?!

I am a Whole Health Specialist who is getting her own life in order and back in a healthy state!

Awesomeness

My workout yesterday was A-Mazing! Why did I stay away from weight lifting for so long???
My whole body hurts, but a good hurt like my muscles remember what they are suppose to do. It feels really good to be back in the swing of things!

So yesterday I did New Rules of Lifting for Women Phase 1 workout A

Today I went on a 3 mile walk. This was wonderful because my legs are extreamly sore and tight from yesterdays lifting.

I am drinking 90+ oz of water a day. I actually drank over 120 oz yesterday, so I am feeling flushed out and fresh! No soda, don't even want it-at all. NICE! I need to figure out a better way for me to plan my dinners. I haven't found a method that works for me yet. I wanted to get a white board that would go on my fridge, but I haven't found a completly magnetic white board yet. I know they are out there I just need to keep searching.

So, all and all I feel pretty good about the next 30 weeks. This is week one and I know that I will have ups and downs still, but I feel like I'm in a good head space right now and I am going full speed ahead.

So many thoughts!

Bin Laden is dead!

I didn't get up early for my P90X
because I was up until 1 a.m. watching the news of Bin Laden. I hope that this is the domino needed to get some peace in the world. The people of the middle east have suffered enough and I feel like they deserve a break. Along with all the military from all the countries trying to help.

I had an AMAZING workout! Why did I stay so long away from weight training?! Seriously I feel so great and that feeling only makes me want to eat well and keep going. This is it. I will be going to the gym everyday, no matter how I feel!

Also, I weighed myself this morning and I am ashamed that I am back up to 219! I am putting the scale away and I will weigh in each Monday morning. I think this will help me push myself for that next weigh in.

I read a great article and it talked about doing your diet 90/10. 90% of the time you are 100% clean eating and 10% gives you the leeway to not feel like you are missing out with friends, family, etc. It takes planning and discipline just like anything else, but it also gives you the feeling of not going without. This theory works well for my brain. I know that I am going to a friends house to eat dinner tomorrow night. I don't know how she will prepare the food, so I will be good all day, and enjoy her home cooked dinner without any guilt. I will not overindulge because I only have 10% to use.

I am also tracking all of my food and exercise on sparkpeople again. I really enjoy tracking my food and water there.

I am finally doing what I know I should be doing, and practicing what I use to preach. I don't preach to anyone now because I am so ashamed of how I look.

Keeping busy

Two days down, 208 to go.

Really I have been keeping really really busy these two past days and the next week is slammed packed already. I know it will only get more full as the week pushes forward. I picked up a few items for Jeff's first package. I need to write a letter tonight and get it in the mail for pick up tomorrow.

The plan for tomorrow:
4:30 wake up start P90X Core Synergistic
5:30 make kids breakfast
5:50 wake kids
6:30 bus
7 am head to gym for weight training (NROL4W stage 1 A)
8:30 head to Jen's to clean her house (a surprise for her and her husband who are away at a family tragedy)
1030 pay bills
1330 cut grass
1500 bus
1630 dinner
1730 walk with kids
1830 kids bath
1900 kids bed
1930 Mommy time :)

Help me win!

Go to cherryblossomspinup and 'like' their facebook page, then tell them that Natalie Perez sent you, so I can win a free photo shoot!!! I would love love love to win this. You can always unlike them after I win *wink, wink*

Please pass it on!

TODAY!

The hubs left this morning. The kids cried, I cried, I know hubs cried, but I am feeling good overall. I am excited to kick my own butt and get some things achieved!

I am starting The New Rules of Lifting and going to finish the entire program. Then I want to do a new book called The Female Body Breakthrough by Rachel Cosgrove. Those two programs will give me a year of fitness routines and guidance. When I am finished with them I will see if other dreams are possible.

On top of lifting I will continue my walks/jogs and build up my running. I still want to be a runner. I still stand by the fact that if I have running, I can take it anywhere and it's a no gym required workout.

One thing I am soooo looking forward to is getting rid of clothes as they become to big! When I reach my maintenance weight I am going to buy nice pieces of clothing that I can build on. I am so looking forward to that!

Keeping a positive outlook and focusing on goals and happiness. I will do it! I will be ok.

Prayers Answered

You know that dark place I was telling you about. Well I have been telling God too and today I read THIS fabulous post about service. I love service and have been feeling like I haven't done enough lately because of life situations and wollowing (I admit).

My Heavenly Father reminded me tonight by guiding me to that blog and that post and refreshing my memory. Getting back to service will help me and it will help teach my children. The post gave a great idea about learning the alphabet with service like applesauce bread for Ann and brownies for Barbara, you get the idea. LOVE this! My son would LOVE this!

Thank you Lord for answered prayers!!!

Cloud 9

I have been in a blissful state this past 25 days and I was slammed to the ground yesterday that soon my world will be upside down again. I feel myself slipping into the dark place and I really want to stop it now! I don't have time to waste trying to get myself out of the dumps. I have lots to work on and get done in 7 months and no time to waste feeling bad for myself.

I love and adore my husband so much. We have had such a  great time together the past month and spent many nights chatting and talking and just being there for each other. We really are in a great place right now. I guess that is good since we will be apart for so long.

One day at a time, one day at a time. This is my mantra right now.

Tornado

North Carolina was hit with over 30 tornados this past Saturday evening. Our neighborhood was hit pretty hard. Luckily our house was fine, but some friends of ours can not say the same.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sP0HmgF-uM&feature=related

Many of the homes that were destroyed were deployed Marines. My heart is breaking for those families that have lost everything and also have their spouse gone to fight in the war. On top of that a storage facility that was destroyed held deployed Marines things and cars. It was completely leveled. How would it feel to come home from war and learn that everything you had is gone. Starting completely over. WOW seeing the destruction in person is horrifying. Our town has come together for the clean up and donations of clothing and other items have started. I'm sure it will take a long time to heal from this one.

We are lucky though, nobody was killed. One baby had to be life flighted to a nearby hospital from the military base housing because a wall fell on him. He is in critical condition. The same can not be said for Bertie County, NC. Many were killed there. One pour mother lost her two kids, and they had done everything they were told to do, but it still didn't help. Please keep these people in your prayers. They need all the comfort they can get right now.

Drama

Nothing like some good ol fashion family drama to kill a vacation. One trip to visit the In-laws and now my hubby isn't speaking to them. It was a crazy week. Started off fine, went weird, and then BAM!

Feels good to be home! I am back on track to lose the 5 lbs I gained on vacation :) and then some. I am focused and determined. Feeling pretty good. I am pretty sure that along with great eating, with a few hiccups I'm sure, I will need to do weight training and at least 60 to 90 minutes of cardio to start seeing this fat move. I know I am strong and I know that I am in a better place physically now than last year, but the number on the scale hasn't moved and that is no good. I am in need of inches and numbers, but it is going to take my determination to stay on track and do the things which I have prepared myself for. To get to the gym and put in a great workout each time. Also, to spend my time at home moving and working.

I am working on better coping skills than to stuff my face with sweets and caffeine. I am working on being strong for the next 7 months of crazy that is going to happen. I will not watch crazy TV shows that will put crazy thoughts into my head and make me worry like a nut. Mostly I want to have fun and enjoy these challenges up ahead.They are major, yes, but I know that I can keep a good attitude about it.

On another note, I am going to clean out our house, thoroughly! I have been doing some reading about decluttering and it said to get rid of anything you haven't used in 6-12 months. This is for EVERY room in your house! So I have a feeling that many things in my office will go bye bye and my closet and my kitchen. We are pretty uncluttered here, but I am feeling like we still have to much 'stuff'. We really only use the basics and I would love to have a super organized house one day. ONE DAY.

We also have sooooo much clothing! Coming home from our trip I was putting all the clothes away and doing laundry and the pile just kept growing and growing and I just thought to myself 'we wear the same 6 or 7 outfits, why do we need all this other?' It was really just sickening how much 'clothing stuff' we have.

Vacation

Will be a bit in and out we are having family vacation time. Sun, fishing, togetherness, all a wonderful time which I will update on later :)

I am also incorperating running into the usual, so that's new.

I have some goals to achieve so no time to waste!

HAPPY SPRINGTIME!

Your Fired!

Those are the words our government needs to hear! The government shut down that may or may not happen tomorrow would mean that mine and many other spouses have to put their lives in danger AND NOT GET PAID! All the while the STUPID UNDECIDED ALTER MOTIVE CONGRESS AND PRESIDENT WILL GET PAID. Sound fair to you? Me either!

Not to mention the THOUSAND of other government workers that will not get paid!

Our system is so broken, I don't ever see it getting fixed! It's like we have lost our American Spirit. We no longer look after each other, we only look after ourselves and those who will help us gain something.

While my family won't be able to put food on the table and pay our bills like responsible citizens, I bet the welfare checks will still be cut! So because we live $200 above the poverty line and don't qualify for any government aid because once again we are being responsible citizens WE WILL SUFFER. And because we are in the military and are stationed at a base we are no where near family who could maybe help us.

This shut down is going to cause a HUGE snowball effect! Think of all the small business' that will have to close its doors because people have no money to go out and spend. Think of all the resturaunts, tourist cities, and the list could go on.

Come on CONGRESS get your SHIT together and AGREE or MAKE COMPROMISES. We all have to! I feel like instead of a SHUTDOWN, congress must meet and stay together until the compromise is met! I don't care how long they are away from their families. I don't care how long they don't shower. At least their family knows they will be paid and be able to put food on the table.

I am so ANGRY! Our Country has failed us!!

My 'AFTER' Photo

So an adorable blogger who I follow is having this fabulous giveaway and I would so love to win this dress for my after photo! I love the style and cute details on the skirt part. I also love it because it is a DRESS and not two pieces. I adore dresses!

Head on over to http://shabbyapple.com/ and look at all the fun frocks they have!

Can't Keep a Good Girl Down

I am having more good days than bad. I am focused and have my goals in more focus than I have in a long time. I feel good about myself. I am starting to see myself as others do, in a positive way. I am still learnig the lesson to be learned from all this crazy stuff life has thrown at me, but I am learning! I am working on some coping skills right now so I am not a complete mess in a few weeks when DH deploys.

As far as learning, like education, it is going to be a scary, throw me into the deep end, kind of task. It has been a while since I have been in formal learning scenario and I'm scared. I am ready for the challenge though and I know I will just take it day by day. I have found loads of information on Itunes U and have downloaded some free lectures to get my brain in that mode. Plus, I figure the more I hear it the better I will learn it right? Well it won't hurt to try any method at least. Listening to the lectures is only making me more excited about all the new goals. My passion is a small flame but soon will be a forest fire :)

Ok, so what are you doing to stir your brain and get your passions on fire???

Can't Beat Em; Join Em

Well you know the saying if you can't beat them, join them. That is what I am doing. This weight issue is my biggest life challenge and if I am not completely involved and absorbed in it, I am not able to conquer it. So with the help of my husband, many tears, and a strong desire to face my reality I have decided to go back to school and get my Exercise Science degree and become a trainer. That is all I know right now. I have to take some pretty cool classes that I'm sure will help me choose the exact direction I want to go in. I know I love lifting weights and would love to be involved with sports and athletes, but time and experience will show me the path that is created for me.

So this summer I am going to get my Personal Training certificate. This fall I will be enrolled in Anatomy and Physiology and Chemistry. Spring semester will involve the second part of anatomy and physiology and chemistry. Then starts my core requirements for my degree. It is exciting to finally have a path. To know when and how I am going to feel like I am acheiving something besides being a Mother and Wife.

I'm so excited my mind is spinning with options and opportunity. I told my husband that it has been a while since I have felt like this and it is a feeling I love and I'm glad to have it back.

Initially I wanted to get my certificate from The National Stregnth and Conditioning Association (NSCA), but I am going to go through International Sport Science Association (ISSA). I feel like ISSA will help me more one on one with my distance learning. Anyway I am still weighing my options there. I should have a decision very soon and be on my way to a great path full of life, health, and fitness. My passion is returning and love for life is coming back to high levels.

I knew 2011 was going to be a great year. Let's hope this cycle keeps going up and it only gets better from here!!

Destined for Greatness

Do you ever feel like this? Like there is something up ahead that is going to happen that is so far above your dreams. As I have been going to therapy, facing life straight ahead, and getting a grip back on my life. This feeling has been getting stronger and stronger. I feel like as things start to become clearer and I start to see my potential this feeling warms my insides.

Now before you start thinking I have become full of myself. I think that this feeling is within all of us. I do believe that most of us only see and achieve a portion of what could be truly ours. Inside all of us is so much more! I dream big! I have grand dreams in many aspects of my life. I have a strong business mind and with that I know that whatever direction I choose I will be successful. It is choosing the direction that I have always struggled with. It seems like each time I choose a direction the obstacle placed in front of me dibilatates me and makes me choose another path. I am now at a point in my life that the next direction I choose I want to think through so when I start down the path I will overcome the obstacles.

It seems that direction I have been looking for is coming into focus and I am excited to see if it is where I want to go. I see very good things happening this year!

For now, I am off to enjoy the next 28 days with my beautiful family!!

What is the greatness inside you? Are you ready to unlease it and achieve dreams beyond imagination? You can do it!!!

SO EXCITED!

Today is a great day!

Hope you all are having a super fabulous day. I know I am!!

So Much

I have so much to say, so much spinning around in my head. Mainly I am super excited to see the hubs in two days! I will be MIA for a while seeing how I will only have 29 days with him. OK hopefully I can clear some thoughts and get a great post together.

Now I remember............

Today while walking out of Lowes I smelled the wonderful hot dog stand. I thought 'oh it's been so long since I have had a great hot dog. I never eat hot dogs. Those smell amazing.' So I bought one and it tasted so good. Carmen and I headed home so she could get her 'healthy' lunch and then it hit me. The reason why I don't eat those horrible byproduct pieces of crap-literally. Yep, got home, ran to the bathroom. After a few moments I came out to get Carmen all set up for lunch and then back to the bathroom.

Now I remember why I hate those darn things, even when they smell so good. My body told me 'no no no'. So I have been pushing the water and trying to flush out all the ick from my body. I won't make that mistake again, until I do. hahahaha such is life. Hope there is a bathroom nearby when I decide to try it again :)

SLEEP

Holy cow it is amazing how sleep can make you feel so good :) I didn't have a great night sleep, but I did sleep!! I only woke up a couple of times and fell back asleep quickly. AHHHHHH lovely.

Today is a full day of spring cleaning. So I'm off to play with the kids and clean clean clean.

On Track?

Well I am hopefully back on track. Last week I lost 2 lbs :) I am just taking it slow and steady and not freaking out about it so much. I am getting out with the kids and playing with them and walking about 4 miles a day. I also read a book that gave me some ideas. I will tell you about it later if I stick to it and find that the theory is what I actually need to survive this thing called life and food!

I am suffering from major insomnia. I have never had sleeping problems before. This is very very hard. I am headed to bed to maybe get some sleep.

Well the kids and I are sick AGAIN! I am so sick of being sick it seems like every other week.

Dad

 My Dad and I at my baptism 1989

 Dad and I Christmas morning 1981

 My Dad working in the yard in Las Vegas-the Dennis Way house(where I spent most of my young years)

Dad- HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You would be 63 years young today. You left this world 10 yrs ago this August. I miss you terribly.

You had this amazing ability to make people feel like they were the most important person in the world. You touched every persons life you came in contact with, from the cashier that you interact with to cousins that looked to you like a second Father, to each of your 7 children who all feel like we were special to you.

You loved to drive and go on adventures. I have this trait too.
You loved food, especially if it was a great home cooked meal. I am this way too.
You were there for every game I was apart of, every music performance, everything I was involved it.
You always saw the best in others, never judging, always giving them the benefit of the doubt and having hope for them.
You gave everything you had to others, never expecting it in return.
You loved every crazy card I made out of gum for you.
You were positive, and happy even when nobody else was.
You were firm, but never mad even when I messed up pretty bad.
You always wanted the very best for us/me.

When I was 4 or 5 you took me on a business trip to Phoenix with you. It was the most exciting thing ever for me to go to work with you.

Whenever I was hurt you were the one to comfort me and take care of me. Pull the slivers out of my knees because I was running when I should have and tripped. Bandage my arms, and knees again because I jumped off the back of Jake's bike while he was still going fast. Pull gravel out of my knees when I fell playing soccer the the street with the big kids. Holding me tight when my first love broke my heart and let me cry and cry. Telling me I could do anything because I had the desire and drive to do it, and I believed you.

You planted the seed of the spirit of God inside me and taught me to rely on him to get me through hard times. You showed me that just because I was a girl I could still work hard, play with the boys, shoot guns, and then go and get dressed up and twirl in my dress.

The last time I saw you I was in to big of a hurrry to stay and chat with you. I thought I had so much time left with you. If I had known that a week later you would be gone, I would have stayed and asked so many questions. I would have absorbed so much more of you. I would have kissed you more and hugged you tight. I would have taken you golfing or to lunch or just shown you how much I love you.

I know that I will see you again. That you watch me and my small family and smile at the cute things they do as kids.

Happy Birthday Daddy
Love your little girl

No Drive Zone

For the past few weeks, Thursday has become my NO DRIVE ZONE. I challenged myself at the beginning of the year to take one day a week and not drive. This was to cut costs, save mileage on my car, reduce my carbon footprint, and a million other reasons really. I am going to continue to do this at least once a week and hopefully more as I make it a part of our families routine. I know that there will be times that I won't be able to do it at all and that's ok, no pressure on this challenge.

I have enjoyed my days of staying home all day. No rushing through my day. I get things done around the house. I play with the kids and roll around with them. We find other activities to do and go for walks. It is a nice day of learning.

Anyway, if you are looking for a challenge not fitness related this is a good one to try :)

Project Complete!

Here it is, the project that I am so excited that I finally finished!

It started out as a free ugly piece, and I forgot to take a before photo! But it looked similar to this

you know the kind! Ugly brass handles and all. with a little primer, paint, new hardware, and elbow grease here it is:

 With a fun little peek a boo when you open the drawer

And fun accessory jars made out of candlesticks and dollar store jars :) Candlestick I found at the thrift store for $1.50 for the pair!!

I'm calling this style GLAM ROCK

Onto the next project :)

Today was A Disaster

It started by not getting up for the bus and went downhill from there. All in all by lunch time I was done! I threw in the towel and decided to just have a great day with my best friend and my kids. The day got a little better, but I still felt totally off.

The time change is killing me, I am a total insomniac with the hubs being gone, and I feel like a complete crazy person today. I feel totally out of whack. How do other people deal so well with the same challenges I am faced with? How am I going to get better at dealing with my challenges?

Cleaning

OK, so not having the hubby around to help me clean is starting to catch up to me. See here is the deal. I spot clean and keep things in order, but my husband declutter cleans. It is amazing! He is an awesome cleaner and really helps to keep our house nice and tidy. Right now my house looks fine to most but to me I know it is in disarray because I have piles of things everywhere. There is not one room that is completly clean and put away.

I am working on finishing some projects today and I think I will work on declutter cleaning too and see if I can do it.

I am so so so excited to show you all my projects that I have been working on. I have only been working on the projects on warm days and that is why it is taking so long to finish them.

I'm a Runner

This is my new motto and in fact this motto helped me get my butt ready for the gym and go. I didn't want to go and then I told myself, 'you are a runner, you need to get your mileage in' and it WORKED! Love it. Becoming a runner is a major goal of mine right now. It is something that I have embraced because as I get older and whatever life throws at me I will be able to go running, no gym required. I'm not very fast right now and I can't run a full mile yet, but a retired marine gave me some great pointers this morning. He was running beside me and caught up to me while I was picking up the kid.

He noticed that I use my arms alot and asked if I use to play sports, which I did. He said that I needed to relax my upper body and let my arms hang and focus on using my legs to propel myself forward. Apparently I will be able to run faster and longer once I get this down. THANK YOU! I completly understood what he was saying, now to just retrain my body to run like that.

In April I am doing a 4 mile mud run. I have always wanted to do a mud run, I think it looks fun. I know it will be hard, but it is going to be my yearly ritual to see how far I have come from the past year. My goal this year is to finish!~ Next year I can worry about my time and maybe placing.

30 is AWESOME if I do say so myself. Things are getting better and my depression is still here but it is in the shadows a little more each day.

30 Day Challenge

Today is March 10, 2011 and this is my favorite pair of jeans that I was wearing before my daughter was born.

I saw this on another blog where the girl does 30 day challenges with clothes and I thought that would motivate me more than the weight issue is. Everything is worth a shot at this point because I am getting stronger, faster, but my weight isn't going anywhere because of my eating. So seeing pictures like this will help me stay on track as far as eating goes.

I will continue to keep trying new things because I am not giving up on ME!

What a DAY!

It's all about ATTITUDE! I realized this more than anything today. I woke up happy cause it was my birthday. I didn't let the usual things that get under my skin bother me at all because it was my birthday. I did regular activities today with the kids, with sugar overload, and they were their regular drive me crazy selves, but it didn't bug me because, it was my birthday. See the pattern? I need to have this attitude more often! It was a great day and the kids had a great day and it was mostly because of my attitude that it was this way.

It may have helped that many people called, facebook messaged me, friends brought cupcakes, received a surprise from hubby, received a phone call from hubby, and my best friend took me to dinner. Amazing day truly! I really did get everything that I wanted and this Saturday I am getting a babysitter for the day and night so I can go out and have a girls night! FREE BIRD! That will be fun!!

All and all 30 is looking mighty FINE!

Enter the 30's

Ready or not here it is! I'm glad to put to rest my 20's. It was fun while it lasted, but I have always looked forward to aging. I do joke around and call myself 'old lady'. It's only because the median age for my area is 23! So it is relative. If I lived in NYC I would be a young duckling still-see relative.

What do I want for my 30's? Happiness and a pair of Christian Louboutins! 5 inch sexy heels and red soles, ohhhh my heart sings :) I could save up for the next decade and probably get a pair :( They are ridiculously expensive, but every girl can dream, right?

In all seriousness though the next 10 years so much will happen and change. My 30's will be much more exciting than my 20's. Then again maybe not.......................................LOL different kind of excitement ;)

So what do I wish to accomplish this first year of my 30's? Survival with my sanity! Ha! I don't know really, I just want to live and have fun. Bring back the play in life and teach my kids how to work hard and play hard and serve hard. Serve the Lord, work for what you have, and enjoy what you have, that pretty much sums it up for me, simple.

So, here is to a new begining, a redefinition of who I am. The big 30, at least for a year. So watch out world, Natalie has entered her 30's and they are going to FABULOUS!

Therapy

I am headed to my first therapy appointment today. I finally sought out helped and I have mixed emotions about going, but overall I think it is a step in the right direction.

I know I am suffering from depression right now. I hope it is just that and nothing more serious like bipolar or something that I will have no control over. I haven't really felt myself since getting pregnant with my daughter. All those hormone changes really did a number on me and I have good days and bad days but lately the bad are way more than the good and really for no reason. Anyway, that is why I am getting help. Sort through all the craziness.

Just striving to be the best me possible.

One Foot In Front of the Other

I am just thinking one foot in front of the other. One day at a time.

I was able to take a few things off my plate this week, thank heavens, and a few less people are counting on me for certain things. WHEW! I just can't take the pressure, captain.

Ok, so I went to an AMAZING parenting seminar last night that just helped me so much. It was Dr. Kenneth R Ginsburg, America's Pediatrician, who wrote Building Resilience. It is for children and teens but it helped me realize a few things that are wrong with myself. For example, my coping skills. When I am put under pressure I crack. I don't have healthy coping skills. I can handle most things, but when times get really tough, I run and hide. By hide I mean eat! I totally self medicate with avoidance and eating. I don't face the challenge head on and work my way through it by asking for help.

Anyway, I bought the Book. I look forward to raising healthy resilient kids and improving myself. I am starting to feel like I will work through this and I will get the tools to do it. Prayers have been answered! I look forward to the growth that is to come!!

Self-Sabotage

Why do I do this? Why do I have to have this struggle so much? Lord, please whatever I am to learn from this trial, I am ready to understand and learn. Please, please help me figure this out. I need help with the doing and not sabotaging myself.

Get A Little Stronger

I attended spin today again. I really LOVE doing this class on Mondays! Sets my week up for great success. I was dreading going this morning because I have not had one good night sleep for about 2 weeks now. It is really wearing on me, but NO EXCUSES. I still went dragging my feet and afterwards I felt so good ans so refreshed. Slow and steady, slow and steady. I will conquer this challenge in my life.

The spin instructor doesn't do the same routine each week and it is so great and challenging. Kicks my butt every, single time. I push myself so hard that I feel like crying and puking all at the same time, but after it is over I feel so refreshed and proud that I gave 100% and left so much sweat on the floor.

Anyway, HAPPY MONDAY! Staying positive.

Perfectionism

I have this disease! I read an amazing blog post about perfectionism here . It really made me think hard and come to face myself in a way that I needed.

I have so much to let go of. I am so blessed and have a great family who love me very very much! I want to be 'real' all of the time!

I feel myself working out of this dark place I have been in for a while. I hope it continues and I can start making progress very soon!

Do-er

This is a word my best friend used to describe me. I don't feel like I am that person right now. I take that one word description as a complement. She meant it as I don't just talk, I DO. I realize that I have been complaining alot-ALOT! I'm done with that!

The facts are, yes I am an emotional wreck, but I am the only one who can pull myself together and get on with my life. I am going to be honest with myself and quit setting myself up for failure. I don't get up at 5 a.m. to workout. I like to sleep to much and right now I have young kids that seem to want to get up in the middle of the night lately so I really don't want to get up before I have to.

From now on I will only post Do-er type activities. I feel that this will promote a more postive atmosphere for myself. Today I have already turned the day around. I didn't get much sleep last night and usually I would use that as an excuse to eat what I want and not get anything done. Well take a look at this

 Yes, that is a picture of my garbage can. I took everything out of my fridge and pantry and FINALLY threw it away! Even the kids processed junk. Because let's be honest they don't need to be eating it either!! I need to teach them how to snack healthy even at 1 and 3 yrs old. My son is definately not learning it at school. They think breakfast is froot loops and toast!!! Don't get me started on the food at school, it is so so so horrible!!!!!!

This is now what a snack will look like. Yummy cooked brocolli :) This was lunch today actually, but it will be a great snack later because we didn't eat it all.

 

And yummy bbq flavor chicken-so dang good.

I am taking control. I am in control. I can acheive my goals. I have more inside me that needs to be released and that is only going to happen if I use the tools I know I have within. I am still changing and getting into this better habit. As always it will be a journey, but this go around I will be a Do-er and not a say-er.

Now I know what Nike meant by 'Just Do It' Quit talking and just do it!

Avoidance

I have this problem. When it is something that I don't want to do, or I'm not excited about doing it I AVOID it! I don't like avoiding it because it starts to build and I get more and more anxious and it starts to affect all aspects of my life, but yet I still do it. I think I am insane, you know doing the same thing over and over again and expecting things to change....................

Today is a horrible day. I couldn't get into the gym. They open at 7:15, I was there at 7:30 because of traffic. They only had 2 workers so that means only 2 infant spots instead of the normal 4 (which is asinine). Both spots were already filled. I put my name on the waiting list hoping they would get more workers. 8 a.m. rolled around we still were waiting, no sign of anyone. I left. I had a very busy morning and was on a schedule with a little leeway. the leeway was eating up by waiting. So with no workout in and all that mess, I was very irritated and pissed off. That early in the morning is my best chance to get in without a wait and what happened grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I really wish I had an extra $100 a month that I could just throw at a gym so I wouldn't have this problem, but I don't. I want a house more, bottom line. So I guess I should stop complaining about it, but getting to the gym keeps my emotions down and in check.

I did work on some projects outside because the weather is finally nice. That feels good. I am going to tackle the avoided item of business this evening when the kids go to bed. Then I will sleep good tonight and start fresh tomorrow.

Finding Rythmn

Going to the gym as soon as I put my son on the bus is working for me. I do spin class on Monday which kicks off my week and going to the gym first thing in the morning I get baby girl into the childcare and I get in a great workout. Baby girl doesn't even cry when she goes anymore! Today in fact she started to get excited when we pulled into the parking lot. She is starting to recognize areas that we frequent and that is exciting to see that growth with her.

I am still an emotional wreck. I am trying to work through that in my regular written journal. I am just taking each day for what it is and trying to do all the things that I have to get done each day.

Food is on and going great :)

Happy hump day!

Sore Your Face Hurts

I am sore all over so much so that even my face hurts. I pushed myself hard today and ate well and drank plenty of water. All in all a great day. I hope I have many many more of these days. I'm off to dream land and recovery world because I like my face :)

Hope you had an awesome Monday!

SUN!

The sun is out and it is going to be pretty nice today. On the schedule for the day is cleaning out the pantry, fridge, and freezer of crap food. Inventory of plastic food storage containers. Followed by a trip to the grocery store where I intend on stocking up on lovely vegetables and herbs.

I have 7 weeks to get my routine in gear and get some results. This way I will be set up for success and I won't have to much of a hiccup when we go on vacation.

I picked up this amazing book at the library called Mediterranean Fresh by Joyce Goldstein. It is full of great salads and one plate meals. All of which are full of whole foods and grains. Also the book gives recipes for all kinds of dressings. I am so looking forward to trying all of it :). I really want to focus on getting in as many vegetables and fruits into each meal as I can. Also, learning how to cook and flavor those that I am not familiar with.

Looking forward to progress and change!

Re Vamping my Fridge

Do any of you have great ideas about re-vamping and re-stocking your fridge for success? I plan on cleaning out my pantry and fridge Saturday night and spending Sunday cleaning and restocking my fridge for total and complete success. I will not buy any trouble foods. I will stock and eat whole, goood for me, foods.

This is what I have so far:

Thick cut rolled oats
Vanilla Dannon Natural Yogurt
low-fat cottage cheese
eggs
frozen veggies (all sorts)
salsa
romaine lettuce

what else would be good? What do you love that is a whole food (unprocessed, from nature)?

You want HOW MUCH?!?

Went to check out a few gyms out in town to see if it would fit into our budget. I really need to childcare to be more consistent. My mouth hit the floor when the girl told me how much she wanted from me. Seriously for that price I can go to Dick's Sporting Goods and buy my own set of free weights, thank you very much!

Needless to say, I will be making my free military option work for me. Even if that means having to wait for a while just to go workout. We are trying to save for a house right now and I guess buying a gym membership isn't smart no matter how much it cost. I just need to use the tools I have and quit complaining!

Today I went for a walk and I just started crying in the middle of it. I did this in the middle of spin class on Monday too. Luckily for me it is dark and nobody was looking at me on Monday. I am really an emotional wreck right now. More so than I am accepting I think.